Last week, Laura Sue talked about receiving our king and touched on how we need to surrender, i.e. soften, our hearts to the Lord to be able to receive Him. As I was reading her post this morning, I was amazed that she had “happened” to use that word surrender, because that is the word that has been on repeat in my head and heart for weeks. I’m supposed to talk about laying our all down before King Jesus and how surrender is a marvelous thing. Surrender…is…marvelous??? Hmm. Hard? Yes. Painful? Yes. Usually what I least want to do? Yes. Oftentimes exactly what we need? YES.
This fall we studied the book of Galatians in our women’s Bible study and the last two weeks of our study, we talked a lot about the Holy Spirit. Walking by the Spirit (5:16), being led by the Spirit (5:18), growing in the fruit of the Spirit (5:22-23), living by and keeping in step with the Spirit (5:25), and sowing to the Spirit (6:8). As we talked about what it looks like to sow to the Spirit, we talked about how that is not our natural tendency; our natural tendency is to “sow to the flesh.” Likewise, it is almost never my natural tendency to choose to surrender instead of try to be in control. Of course I know in my head that my King Jesus knows better than I do and that He has good plans for me, but so often I just want things to go the way I think is best. I try to cling to some semblance of control instead of doing what I know to be best-letting Him be in control. I act as Paul says in Romans 7:15, “For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Trying to control situations and outcomes will only make me miserable, whereas if I choose to surrender to Jesus, I can let Him carry my burdens. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30) Surrendering what I am laboring over or whatever heavy thing I am trying to carry by myself to take the “easy yoke” and “light burden” He gives me should be a no-brainer, and yet so often I still try to act like I’m strong enough to carry it on my own.
I had another miscarriage last week. If you have read my previous posts here, you know that I had four miscarriages between our first and second kids. I confess, I had hoped with the pregnancy and birth of our second daughter that maybe my body was on a new track and wouldn’t struggle with this issue anymore, but clearly that is not to be the case. As I have been in conversation with God about it this week, He just keeps whispering “surrender” to me. This will not be an area where I can deceive myself into thinking I have control. Surrender is my only option if I want to continue to grow in Him. He has proven Himself unceasingly faithful on our journey; I must daily remind myself of that if I want to be able to surrender yet again. As I confessed to Him that I don’t feel like I have the strength to be on this roller coaster again, He gently reminded me that His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9). I don’t have to have the strength to face the journey, I need only surrender my desires to Him and trust that HE has and is all the strength I could ever need. In doing so, I get to watch Him work out His good plans for me, and it truly is marvelous! Sister, today would you surrender whatever weight you are clinging to and cast it at the feet of your King who longs to carry it for you?
Angelina and her family moved from the United States to China in 1996 when she was eight years old and she has continued to make her home in China. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has two daughters. She loves to use her linguistic abilities to minister to other ex-pats, and translating for labor and delivery is her favorite.