The last time I wrote on this blog, (March 5th, 2018), I wrote about waiting on God. I wrote about waiting on His timing to see if/when He would bless us with another baby, the heartache during the waiting, but ultimately how He had so gloriously comforted me through His Word during the years of painful waiting. On June 9th of 2018, I found out I was pregnant, our second daughter was born on 1/29/19, and is now five months old! I sit here now, surrounded by baby rattles and burp rags, and cannot help but have tears in my eyes as I reflect on the ways God has powerfully moved in our lives this past year. Before I get into any of that though, I feel the need to say that whether He had blessed us with a baby this year or not, He would still be Good. He would still be Faithful. He would still be my Comforter who has never left me or forsaken me. If you are still in a time of waiting, I would hate for this to cause more pain as you see yet another person who seems to have gotten their “heart’s desire” while you are still waiting on yours, so I beg you to please press into Him and let Him continue to comfort you or, maybe, comfort you for the first time.
In the past year, we have had some major life changes; our previously homeschooled daughter started going to school for the first time, we moved, had a baby, and my husband has just recently changed jobs. God has opened doors as only He could in each instance. We have had the opportunity to “stand still and see this great thing” that He has done (1 Sam 12:16). This has long been a favorite verse of mine, even during our time of waiting, because it encouraged me to be still and just keep my eyes on Him as we waited, knowing that He was doing something, and not just a small little thing, but a great thing! Knowing and remembering that became even more crucial last August when I was 13 weeks pregnant. It was a normal Saturday, we were recovering from jetlag after a 5 week trip to the States when I suddenly felt a sort of “pop” and immediately started bleeding. You can imagine how, after four miscarriages, I was instantly filled with fear that we were going to lose this baby as well. Praise God, it ended up just being a problem with my placenta, but the next 5 1/2 months were filled with a daily battle of surrendering my fears and worries to the Lord. We have tile walls in our kitchen and bathrooms here, so I took whiteboard markers and wrote different reminders on the walls in each one of those rooms. “This baby is His and He is faithful.” “This baby is His and He is trustworthy.” This baby is His and He is GOOD.” I had to remind myself, above all else, that He loved that baby more than I did and that He, the Almighty, had the power to protect her (I didn’t know gender at the time) and, if necessary, the power to be my strength to get through the trial if He decided in His good plan that He would take her. Relying on His strength and being in the Word was the only way I managed to get through that season. Prior to that happening, I had been studying in the book of Joshua. Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” I had no choice but to to cling to that. We can’t be strong or courageous, or resist being frightened and dismayed on our own-it is only by remembering that He is with us wherever we go and His strength will always be more than enough for us!
Don’t let me fool you; I still battle fear daily. We recently got a car, which to most people isn’t such a big, scary thing, but here in China, it’s a huge deal. What I mean by that is, driving here is pretty much complete bedlam. Since my husband started a new job last week, he now drives to work everyday, whereas at his last job he took the staff bus to work. Every morning when he leaves, I hug him goodbye and pray that it won’t be the last time I hug him. I then spend the next 40-50 minutes praying for safety for him every time I think of him until I receive a text from him telling me he has arrived. Same thing when he tells me he’s on his way home in the afternoons, especially on days like today when it is pouring rain on his drive home; I pray and pray for protection for him, asking God to bring him home safely to his three girls. Each and every day, I have to make a concious choice to remind myself that no matter what, God’s strength will continue to be enough. Regardless of circumstance. Regardless of how I feel in the moment. He is unchanging and His power will not falter for one second. 1 Chronicles 29:12 says “…In Your hand are power and might, and in Your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all.” It’s all in His hand! Whatever you are waiting for, worrying about, or fearing, I beg you to surrender it fully to Him and to trust in His power and plan for your life. You are His and He is GOOD!
Angelina and her family moved from the United States to China in 1996 when she was eight years old and she has continued to make her home in China. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has two daughters. She loves to use her linguistic abilities to minister to other ex-pats, and translating for labor and delivery is her favorite.