Why Me…?

These words remind me of my 2 older kids. “why me? I just did it yesterday, or why me? why don’t you ask him/her?” and only us as parents know the answer to that question. Whether there was a lesson through the task that you want him or her to learn through experience, the task is meant for him or her because we as a parent know their heart and capabilities to do so, or we know most of the time our children don’t grasp the purpose of their task in the first place but eventually they understand it.

Looking back in Exodus, to the times where God speaks to Moses, we can see how Moses feels and responds to each calling and task that God has assigned him in. We see how he doubts himself, questions God’s words and commands, and does not surely know what to do in some situations. Therefore, God had to remind him over and over of “Who God is.” Moses, just like most of us, had a tendency to be concerned or worry more about who he was instead of who our Father in heaven is. Back many years ago, I remember when my mom came to my room after long days and weeks of work and she shared her burden about our family bills and debt, hoping that I would be willing to help my parents. I didn’t say words as I was too tired to talk, but my first thought was why me, what about my other siblings?! Days went by and still I had no idea how to help them; it was not really bothering me, but it did become a concern. I tried to find solutions as best as I could and somedays I felt like I wouldn’t be able to help. I had lots of conversation time with God during my work break, on my way to work, my way back home, or whenever the matter came into my mind and started giving me some anxiety. I said, “Lord I don’t know what you have for me ahead, but sign me up to complete this task and I am willing to take the jobs that you have prepared for me.” I did my work as usual and I didn’t promise or say anything to my Mom; until, one day, through some surprise events, God answered my prayer in a way that I did not expect. I never thought I would be able to do it myself or if I tried to do it myself–in my way–it would not be as smooth and perfect as God designed it . God will make a way when there seems to be no way ( I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the dessert. Isaiah 43:19). 

Sometimes things don’t always have as easy and simple results as we expected. Sometimes it takes longer than we thought and we need all the faith we have to get to the end result. Sometimes we also feel like our task/problem is a never ending journey. I have waited in the past for 6-7 years for the tasks God had given me to be fulfilled. I often asked God for His help and even questioned myself, my skills, and my faith. I felt somedays it was easier than other days, but most days it was too much to bear. I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore. I often asked why God allowed things to happen beyond my strength or why things must take so long before knowing the end of the problem. Why couldn’t He just explain to me in a way I can see or read–“this is why you have to do it.” Time passed and we were able to see the end of our journey, but there was still some waiting in the process. But, one thing is for sure: our hearts have changed by Him and we now shape our life differently. Our whole perspective changes when, finding ourselves in a hard place, we realize the Lord has either placed us there or allowed us to be there, perhaps for reasons presently known only to Himself.

One morning I woke up earlier than I usually do, before my alarm at 4:30am. Most of the time I will check on my text messages, kids school and activities app, whatsaap, weechat (having family and friends in the other side of the world with different time zone make my phone busier during my night time sleep than during the day sometimes), but that morning was different. I went straight to open social media, group chats, and emails to see what I had been missing. My screen was showing me many posts about someone I know who lost her loved ones, someone diagnosed with some scary illness, a mother who lost her baby during pregnancy (miscarriage), some friends who were asking for prayer for their marriage, their children, or their parents. I scrolled for about 5-8 minutes and all I saw was just sad and grieving news. I turned my phone off and thought about all these people and said to myself “well that’s not really what I want to hear or see right after I open my eyes in the morning, but this is what the Lord wants me to see and hear.” I cannot imagine these peoples’ hearts who face all these circumstances. I was wondering if each one of them have same question right now, why me?! I got up and prayed that morning; my heart was heavy for them and I hoped that they would continue to be strong in the Lord. God allows our faith to be tried and He permits troubles to come into our lives. Sometimes, they seem more than we can bear, but Christ can bear them. He has promised never to leave you or forsake you, never to forget you, never to abandon you. His love never ceases and His care never dims (Psalm 37:23-24  Isaiah 41:10-13) 

So, if you find yourself in a difficult spot or in a hard place, remember: You are there by God’s plan. You are under His protection, You are under His training and teaching and in His timing and way. Whatever God calls you to do or signs you up for in His tasks or plan, trust who He is. The One who led you in will lead you out.

Hi! My name is Petty. I’m from Indonesia and my husband (Adam) is from the US. Our family moved to Tennessee over a year ago after living 10 years in Asia. We have been blessed with 3 wonderful children. Although, I have millions of stories in my life that have shown how wonderful and faithful our Father is in the past and He has not changed. I have seen how Jesus loves and saved my family.

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