Confessions of a Broken Heart

katherine-hanlon-242204Can you believe that January is almost over? The older I get, the more I understand the phrase “time flies” though I am not quite sure about the “when you’re having fun” part! I am enjoying every minute of our time together, and I pray that in some way you have been encouraged to keep walking, keep trusting, keep knowing that our faithful God is intimately aware of you and He has plans for you. I pray also that you have pushed into His heart and spent more time in His Word and found Him more loving than you ever realized over this last month. I know that I have taken some liberty to “meddle” (as my Grandmother called it) in the hard places and exposed some issues that I believe we all tend to struggle with. Thank you for your willingness to continue to read and respond.

God forbid you read any of these posts and feel discouraged, so I am taking a moment today to be as transparent as I can be. More often than not, I have relentlessly continued in the busy lifestyle, the treadmill existence, and the shallow relationships because I am not always sure that if I allowed myself to “go deep” I would be able to return emotionally. Anybody out there get that?

I have experienced deep loss in my life. I have suffered the loss of my 17yr old brother in a car accident, the loss of my Mom to breast cancer, a miscarriage after having four children and the loss of my 8 yr old son to type 1 diabetes. I am just returning from the funeral of my dear Uncle, where I joined the rest of my family to weep for our loss and celebrate his life. So when I write these posts, I am not sugar coating life. I am not pretending its always fun or that there is always a quick Bible verse that will solve all the brokenness, loss and deep wounds you feel. What I am saying is that after all these losses and after all the pain and brokenness, I know that Jesus is there. And He beckons me over and over to come to Him and experience His peace and healing! It is a slow process, but this life is about progress and not perfection. I am willing to launch into the deep and say goodbye to the shallows to know Him better and to be a tool that can call other women to the deep with me! Are you ready?

By nature, I am a controller and a fixer. I am more comfortable with a sprint as opposed to a marathon. I like to know that there is a hard and fast answer to a problem. But none of these are Godly or kingdom attributes. Deep healing and peace only come with deep acknowledgment of our soul struggles. I believe there has been a progression to this freedom in many evangelical circles over the last 5-10 years and I am thankful for the men and women who have encouraged us to quit pretending it’s all okay. However, the danger can be that we begin to relish our brokenness and past devastations without heeding Jesus’ call to be healed. Acknowledging the reality that we are broken, we’ve been victims of horrific abuses, that death and disease has sabotaged so many of our dreams is vital and a crucial first step to being made new. But let us not make the mistake that is the only step! Jesus has a far more glorious purpose than simply allowing you to vocalize your pain. Sweet friend, He desires not only to make us new but to make us whole! 

Week after week as I mention the call to live and love deeply, I am also praying that He makes us whole. For there is wholeness only in the deep knowledge and love of Jesus. I believe God is always after us wholly, completely and fully. Look at the verses below and see if you agree.

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.” Deuteronomy 6:5-6

Did you see that? He wants our all of our heart, all of our soul, and all of our might! So, if that is His desire, that is His hope, how do we really live that way when there is such brokenness in us? When our hearts have been shattered, our souls have been fractured and our might is only strong enough to get us through today? Oh, sister, this is that moment when the tissues would be passed around and we could all take a turn talking about the ways we feel anything but whole. We may even dare to ask… “is it possible to be whole?” With tears running down my face and my nose bright red, I would tell you a resounding “YES”! I would tell you on the authority of the Bible that it is possible because Jesus came and surrendered His life, rose from the dead and ascended to Heaven to ensure wholeness for everyone who trusts in Him. Jesus makes the crooked places straight, He heals the brokenhearted and He mends the shattered and shredded parts of our lives over time by His grace and love.

Over the course of this year, I am yearning to know the depth, the height, the breadth of His love for me and by His grace, I am trusting Him to make me whole that I may, in turn, love Him with my whole heart, my whole soul, and my whole strength. I pray that you will join me! That this blog serves as a tool in His hand to beckon you out of the mire of brokenness and step by step into the healing deep waters of His faithful and all-powerful love.

There are a few things we will have to address first in our own hearts, though.

  1. Are we willing to admit our brokenness? How we have been wounded, how we have been disappointed, how we’ve pulled away from God, how we have hurt others?

  2. Are we willing to ask Him to heal us and make us whole again?

  3. Are we willing to trust Him and receive this wholeness even when it stirs up the pain from the past in order for it to be healed completely?

 

I added this last challenge because of the danger we all face of relishing our brokenness and finding comfort in that place. If we aren’t careful we will feel guilty about moving past it or finding healing because we don’t know how to live whole. The enemy of our souls runs rampant in this area and even encourages us to find our identity in the brokenness. But Jesus does not desire us to live in the brokenness but in wholeness and once He has wrought wholeness and healing in an area, He bids us to “take up our mats and walk”! Once we’ve been rescued by Jesus, we are His daughter and that is our identity.

Oh friend, please know that I am praying that even as you read these words, the Holy Spirit stirs up a longing and soul shout in you that says, “yes, I am ready to be made whole!” He will not turn you away. If you are reading this and you begin to wonder if you have been made new by Jesus, please know that I am praying for you as well. Let me share with you the glorious Gospel or Good News.

Everyone born on this planet comes into this world with a sinful heart, a heart that is corrupt and the Bible says that we “by nature are children of wrath.” (Ephesians 2:3) This means we were enemies of God from birth. But our good God sent His only Son, Jesus to the earth to live a life in skin and without any sin. Jesus was crucified ultimately as a sacrifice for the sins of all who trust in Him and was raised again to life just as God had promised. After being seen by hundreds of people, He miraculously ascended to Heaven and now intercedes at the right hand of God on our behalf. Jesus alone provides a way to be accepted by God.

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If you desire to be made new, to be rescued from the punishment that is due to every human, that is eternity away from the presence of God-the place called Hell, you must sincerely acknowledge that you are a sinner (one who does not care what God thinks and is never able to be good enough for God’s perfect expectations), you must believe that Jesus is who He says He is….Lord (Master) and Savior and you must simply ask Him to rescue you from the punishment you deserve as an enemy of God. The Bible says that once you have done this, Jesus sends His Spirit to change you from the inside out. He makes you new!

I am including several verses that you may reference if you want to read what God Himself says about this thing we call “salvation”. If you have never surrendered to Jesus, never trusted Him, never even considered what we are talking about, then please know that I would love the chance to speak with you more. Feel free to contact me either on social media or via email.

For all those sweet friends that have already been made new by Jesus, my question to you is this…. Are you willing to trust Him to make you whole? I would love to hear from you as well and please know that I am praying for you! Blessings and as always, thanks for journeying with me!

Scripture for a hungry soul:

• Ephesians 2              • Romans 10

• Romans 3                  • Acts 4

• John 3                        • John 14

 

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